My Current Life

Hi, I am a 25 years old male and going to be 26 in July, 2011. I started blogging because of its necessity in one of subjects I'm taking early this year. I find blogging to tedious & it takes commitment which I don't have for it. Why am I writing a blog again after a period of long time? It's because of the need inside me to express my feeling about my life now.

Let me begin, I'm a 25 years old student who is taking Diploma in Sport Study in one of the public universities in Malaysia and I'm now in my second year. Yes, I know, a 25 years old still in a diploma programme. I supposed to have a scroll by now and having a career somewhere. Maybe in the midst of preparing a wedding or even a family. Why you ask that I'm still studying? It's because of the past mistakes I made. I used to be in an engineering course, but I screwed up badly. During the 3rd semester of the engineering course, I failed almost all the subjects. Well, that spelled the end of my journey in my engineering course. Ya, I forgot to mention, I'm a former national athlete for my country in the sport of bowling. And yes, I concentrated too much on my bowling rather than my study. Luckily, my parents bailed me out of trouble & came to see the deputy vice chancellor of my university. I took a sabbatical from study for almost 3 years to concentrate on bowling. Fast forward, I changed my course to Diploma in Sport Study and here I am now.

Let's not talk about bowling, I'm happy with my current achievements, although I think I can achieve more. It's about my life now. As a 25 years old who is still far away from graduating, it's really depressing actually. I felt envious towards my friends around my age who finished studying and already began their careers while I'm stuck here. I always think what will happen to me in the future. Will I go through a terrible hardship because of starting late in my career of my choosing? What am I going to do? Can I even finish my study? Everyday, it's the same thing over and over again, only playing bowling in a competition will make me forget about these things. Well, the competitions are less now because I'm not in the national team anymore and that means more time for me to think about those depressing things. How about my classmates? Do I hang around with them? Well, the problem is, the age different between me and them is around 5 years. Different thinking & wavelength. You all understand, right? Friends around my age? They are busy with their own life and new career. It's better for me not to disturb them. One more thing that always make me more depressed, is when someone asks me when will I graduate. It used to be a simple answer of 'I don't know'. End of it. Right now, since I'm not a national athlete anymore, the answer is, '4 more years'. Almost every week, almost 2-3 times, I have to answer that depressing question.

How about relationship? No, I don't have one. The problem is, women around my age are getting ready to marry. I can't provide guarantee that I will marry the girl right now. They have to wait for me to finish my study and my career to be stable. I understand, most of them are not willing to wait that long. You must understand the Malaysian culture especially the Muslim. It's better for the women to get married before they hit the age of 28. The last relationship I had ended because I couldn't commit. I really loved her and I know she really loved me too. But I didn't treat her well. In the end, I'm alone for a long time now.

The happiest moment I had in the year of 2010 is during the I was in Chiang Mai recently. Not for holiday, but for the competition I had. Only playing bowling in a competition so far provided an avenue to escape from all the depression I had all year long. But the competitions I'll be having are very few in the future. Working out or jogging doesn't do the trick. In the end, I have to face this depression by myself. I don't know when will this end. After I graduate, perhaps?